Day 4 on Adderall XR (an update)

Ok so today is day 4 for me on Adderall XR and here is what I have noticed so far up until now.

Friday night which was night one I definitely had a lot of trouble sleeping. I took the Adderall at 8:30 am that morning and didn't really get any sleep until sometimes around 3 in which I think I slept in 15 minute to half an hour gaps until about 6:30 am saturday morning when I guess I was finally so tired that I slept for about 2.5 hours solid. I did notice however that sometime in the middle of the night my normal brain kicked in and started to chatter which was a secondary reason to not being able to sleep.

Saturday I slept in until about 9:30am once I had gotten sleep. I took the Adderall at about that time when I woke up. I noticed that while on this I definitely do just start doing things and things actually get done. :) Yay huge bonus there. I managed to sleep a lot better saturday night sleeping in longer periods of time of min an hr each. I did wake up a lot still and also still noticed the chatter kick in in the middle of the night.

Sunday morning I woke up at 7:20am naturally though still groggy from lack of sleep from the last few nights. I was going to go back to sleep but I accidently woke up Kyle and he then asked me if I was going to take the Adderall then and then try and go back to sleep so that it might wear off earlier to help me sleep better that night knowing that this morning I had to be up early.

 So I grumbled about it really wanting more sleep. I finally got up 5 minutes later and took the Adderall and then tried to go back to sleep. At this point however the downside was the light was coming through the cracks in the window and my brain had now done some thinking which means it got turned on and started to chatter and then of course the meds kicked in. I got out of bed after trying to get back to sleep half an hour later. I felt not too sleepy though.

 I went to bed around 9:30pm last night and even though was nervous about my new job I started this morning and it took me a little bit to get to sleep, I got a reasonable sleep last night and woke up before my alarm (this was most likely due to nerves). I took the Adderall first thing and surprisingly gave been awake and in a good mood (not my normal grumpy tear someone apart for disturbing me at an ungodly hour that I normally am). I am currently feeling a  bit tired.

I did notice that it definitely does weird things to the appetite and so when I am hungry I dont feel my body telling me so in its normal way. I figure just eat on a schedule and eat the same amount as normal and I should be fine. I still get grumpy if I haven't eaten enough.

I still forget things even though I feel a bit more focused and I still have the crazy talk all the time and other traits of the ADD. I however feel much less anxious in general though still a little bit so here and there.

That is my update for now. Will update again in the next couple of days.

By the way the first day of work was busy but good. I hope I can learn all of the stuff I need in time before people leave me on my own to figure it out.

Adderall XR

So I should say last friday I finally got to talk to my doctor about trying some medication for my ADD. I had given her paper work and talked to her a couple weeks before and she said she would read it over. Anyway she hadn't read it over but was willing to talk and was willing to let me try something. She admitted she didn't really know a lot about all of this and mentioned three different drugs she knew about to me. 

There were Adderall XR, Concerta, Straterra (Sp?) 

She kept bringing up adderall and seemed to be the most comfortable with it. While it wasn't the one I was most comfortable with as I know of a couple of people on Concerta that seem to do well on it and like which meant I knew the most about that one and therefore felt more comfortable with it. 

I however let her choose to start and made a deal that I will try it and if i dont like it then I can change it. So she gave me a prsecription for Adderall XR  (Extended release) to try for 30days at a low dose of 10mg. She then sent me to the lab to get an EKG because stimulants can be very dangerous if there are heart issues and this was the one thing i was super worried about. She told me to call approximately a week later and if the test was normal then I could fill the prescription she gave me. I called yesterday and it seemed it was all fine so I filled the prescription last night. 

So this morning was my first morning ever on medication for ADD. I took it with breakfast and about half an hour later my normally very chattery mind felt kind of numb/blank which in turn felt a bit sleepy but not. A rather strange feeling I had only experienced a couple of times when a bit groggy and driving. 

So I went through my morning routine checking my email, reading online comics, checking facebook and reading a few blogs. I actually surprisingly got up and started organizing small bits of fabric and found a whole bunch of sewing stuff I was looking for. I organized beads into containers as well. These are things I have been meaning to do but haven't gotten around to. I had to find a piece of fabric soon for something but that thought started me actually doing a bunch of stuff which is very weird. And all of that stuff that I started got done. Though I did still lose track of a bit of time. 

I then went to the barn though this has been very relaxing doing barn work recently I didn't really notice much different about it. I had already developed a routine and order to how I was doing things. 

My mind has been still had thoughts but one thought at a time not a whole bunch at the same time. Again very strange. I also noticed this meant I was still forgetting a few things because things i wanted to remember usually played in my mind right away at the top over an over so I wouldnt forget. However I did remember other things I had been forgetting all week.

I feel awake but not overly awake. We will see if this affects my sleep tonight or not. I also know I wasn't as starving at lunch time as I have been lately and know that this medication can cause you to not be as hungry. 

In general the experience has so far been good and very different but not so much so that it feels like I am on something weird. It is rather subtle. We will see how this goes. I will post more later as I see how this actually starts to work and affect me. 

Welcome to "Holland"

Sorry it took so long for an update. I have been very busy taking care of a friend’ horses while she is away recently and have been going through writing the test for the Census 2011 supervisory position and going to the interview for that I did in the end withdraw my application, though it still sounded like a fun job.

I also have accepted a completely different job taking my friend’s dad’s place while he is away for surgery. It is a government position as a casual (they get me for 90 day) clerk. It will be early mornings I don’t know how I am going to manage getting up at 5am but hopefully I will adjust faster then I have to later times in the past. It will be an interesting job and will be just long enough to see if I like this type of thing.  

I have also been running around doing all sorts of other errands and going to other appointments as well.

Welcome to Holland

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

I got this sent to me about a week ago and it really hit home. I guess I never really realized until recently that I was in “Holland” and that I have been stuck here for a long time. I guess I have been stuck in my own fantasy world while in “Holland.”  This brings up a giant problem.

 All of the dreams I want at least at the moment as far as I can tell seem to be suck in “Italy.” I also seem to see “Italy” as representing normal or what is normal; something that I will never have and never be. This really really breaks my heart. There aren’t many days especially the rough days where all I want is to be normal. To have a normal brain that doesn’t wander that doesn’t swirl ideas that doesn’t not stop chatter away making it hard to sleep as it tries to keep track of the zillion ideas I have in my head at once never actually grasping a hold and holing on tight to any one of them.

While I know it isn’t 100% true I see many friends seemingly happy, having relatively easily reached goals I want or have reached but they can hold on them while I only get them for a little while before having to take steps backwards again. I sometimes feel like a huge failure. I can’t even manage to keep this beautiful house I love under control or organized inside and out.  

Chores are so difficult to get motivated to do and get done and jobs are hard to figure out because it is unmotivating and I just don’t know what I will like. I also worry about having enough time with the job and the other stuff I have to do at home to get any time to myself.  This is one of the few reasons why it takes me so long to read books.

Sometimes I just can’t stand my life with all its confusion and indecision and disorganization. Am I supposed to do things the way the world wants them? I don’t even really like society it is poorly run and has many bad ideas in general. Is it wrong to sometimes just want out of my own brain, my own mind?

 Anyway in general I am just feeling very very confused about many things at the moment. I think it is going to take a bit of time before I realize the good things about “Holland” and accept them and learn to hopefully like them. It is going to take even longer for me to let go of the dreams that are stuck in “Italy.”

This is all I have for now as I seem to have forgotten some of what I thought up as to what I was going to say earlier. I will hopefully try and post more frequently again.

PS in real life I have actually been to Italy (the real one) Venice to be exact it is very nice and has beautiful architecture and masks and glass. I highly recommend it as a place for anyone to see while on a vacation.