Long time no post... here is an update.

Sorry for the lack of posting for the last 4 months. I was working at a wonderful job for a 90 day contract that was a mix of office and warehouse supervision. It was perfect for me in the fact that i could sit down and do office stuff but also get up often and do other stuff around the warehouse. Same routine each day in general but always something different to deal with. Perfect for someone with ADD.

At the time I decided to try Adderall XR for while I was at work to see if it helped me. I still used sticky notes for everything because my short term memory is still random and i didn't trust it. Anyway this trial went very well to start. The first month I was on it mornings were amazing. I got up at 5:30 and had to be at work half an hour drive away at 7am and on certain days at 6:30am. I actually survived the mornings. It helped me keep in general focused and my brain was much less noisy. At first if caused me to have trouble sleeping the first night or two and if definitely messed with my appetite for the first little bit but I just made myself eat and it was all good. It made me happier and less moody and grumpy at things.

I went a week in between my 30 day trial and my prescription renewal due to having to wait to get a doctor's appointment. The next set of meds was the same dosage by request of me for 60 days. This was fine through April but when I hit early may I my hubby and I started to notice more side effects.  (Note all along this gave me more headaches and wicked migraines that made me nauseous and lasted 5 days through my period with nothing helping). The new side effects we noticed was me being really snippy and grumpy at really stupid little things. Even I was like why am I upset over this? It was truely frusterating to discover.

Meanwhile the headaches during my period were getting worse and even though the doctor told me to just keep track of it because if the Adderall was working for the ADD she didnt want to take me off it for just that reason just yet. I decided on the may long weekend enough was enough and that I was going to do an experiment. I went off the meds for a month enough to cover over my next period and guess what back to normal for me at the time moods and talking a lot, still survived work and somehow mornings, but the best thing no headaches or nausea during my period. I decided I needed to talk to her about changing meds but I would wait a bit first.

I then had a 4 day break from work before my last two weeks and that weekend I was taking motorcycle lessons for the first time with my hubby. We had to be there at 8 and i really wanted to make sure i could focus on learning how to ride a motorcycle safely and so i went back on the Adderall for 2 weeks. This really did help with the motorcycle lessons even though I was still terrified in general because traffic was scary and it was raining for 3 out of the 4 days. Not only did I have to learn to operate the bike but I had to learn standard at the same time this made the task quite difficult. I am slowly getting better as I practice.

I noticed with going back on it for the short time that while once again it helped me focus the side effects of my being really grumpy were back fairly fast. I am now completely off it and am back to job hunting casually through the summer. I failed my first attempt at my motorycle road test because I was so nervous and my brain was racing so fast  (like a sports car in race with no breaks) that I literally could not catch it long enough for it to tell me to breath and calm down. My hubby passed with no problems like I knew he would.

I was meaning to go in to talk to my doctor about my experiment however she is away for over a month. She is not back in the office until monday and is already booked up. I have an appointment later this month but who knows if I will even get to discussing this with her as I have  a few other things to discuss with her first.

In the mean time I have been reading up on a blog called

 http://www.fattyacidtrip.com

about omega 3s and how they can help with ADD symptoms. I already knew they could help and that evening primrose oil could help (I have been taking this for as long as I can remember). I have added fish oils to my supplements and eat tuna once a week or every couple of weeks. I know there is mercury but I eat within the regulated limit. I dont like a lot of other fish.

This site lead me to a couple of books one of which I just got in the mail yesterday and have started reading.

http://www.amazon.com/Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder-natural-treat/dp/1905140010/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1312410634&sr=8-1

This book is all about how this person and another researcher have noticed that people with ADD have less omega 3s in their systems and how it can help relieve symptoms. I will update on the book when I have finished it. There is a review on the fattyacidtrip site as well. I also ordered a book called the Omega 3 connection again recommended by that website which has yet to arrive.

http://www.amazon.com/Omega-3-Connection-Groundbreaking-Antidepression-Program/dp/B001O9CFAE/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1312410753&sr=1-1

I am hoping to give this a try and see if I can get away with this to help me out as it is far safer then the meds and I definitely feel more comfortable with this then with putting strong meds in my body. Will update with more once I read the books and try it out.

Sorry for the long post. I hope to be back posting on here more often again.

Day 4 on Adderall XR (an update)

Ok so today is day 4 for me on Adderall XR and here is what I have noticed so far up until now.

Friday night which was night one I definitely had a lot of trouble sleeping. I took the Adderall at 8:30 am that morning and didn't really get any sleep until sometimes around 3 in which I think I slept in 15 minute to half an hour gaps until about 6:30 am saturday morning when I guess I was finally so tired that I slept for about 2.5 hours solid. I did notice however that sometime in the middle of the night my normal brain kicked in and started to chatter which was a secondary reason to not being able to sleep.

Saturday I slept in until about 9:30am once I had gotten sleep. I took the Adderall at about that time when I woke up. I noticed that while on this I definitely do just start doing things and things actually get done. :) Yay huge bonus there. I managed to sleep a lot better saturday night sleeping in longer periods of time of min an hr each. I did wake up a lot still and also still noticed the chatter kick in in the middle of the night.

Sunday morning I woke up at 7:20am naturally though still groggy from lack of sleep from the last few nights. I was going to go back to sleep but I accidently woke up Kyle and he then asked me if I was going to take the Adderall then and then try and go back to sleep so that it might wear off earlier to help me sleep better that night knowing that this morning I had to be up early.

 So I grumbled about it really wanting more sleep. I finally got up 5 minutes later and took the Adderall and then tried to go back to sleep. At this point however the downside was the light was coming through the cracks in the window and my brain had now done some thinking which means it got turned on and started to chatter and then of course the meds kicked in. I got out of bed after trying to get back to sleep half an hour later. I felt not too sleepy though.

 I went to bed around 9:30pm last night and even though was nervous about my new job I started this morning and it took me a little bit to get to sleep, I got a reasonable sleep last night and woke up before my alarm (this was most likely due to nerves). I took the Adderall first thing and surprisingly gave been awake and in a good mood (not my normal grumpy tear someone apart for disturbing me at an ungodly hour that I normally am). I am currently feeling a  bit tired.

I did notice that it definitely does weird things to the appetite and so when I am hungry I dont feel my body telling me so in its normal way. I figure just eat on a schedule and eat the same amount as normal and I should be fine. I still get grumpy if I haven't eaten enough.

I still forget things even though I feel a bit more focused and I still have the crazy talk all the time and other traits of the ADD. I however feel much less anxious in general though still a little bit so here and there.

That is my update for now. Will update again in the next couple of days.

By the way the first day of work was busy but good. I hope I can learn all of the stuff I need in time before people leave me on my own to figure it out.

Adderall XR

So I should say last friday I finally got to talk to my doctor about trying some medication for my ADD. I had given her paper work and talked to her a couple weeks before and she said she would read it over. Anyway she hadn't read it over but was willing to talk and was willing to let me try something. She admitted she didn't really know a lot about all of this and mentioned three different drugs she knew about to me. 

There were Adderall XR, Concerta, Straterra (Sp?) 

She kept bringing up adderall and seemed to be the most comfortable with it. While it wasn't the one I was most comfortable with as I know of a couple of people on Concerta that seem to do well on it and like which meant I knew the most about that one and therefore felt more comfortable with it. 

I however let her choose to start and made a deal that I will try it and if i dont like it then I can change it. So she gave me a prsecription for Adderall XR  (Extended release) to try for 30days at a low dose of 10mg. She then sent me to the lab to get an EKG because stimulants can be very dangerous if there are heart issues and this was the one thing i was super worried about. She told me to call approximately a week later and if the test was normal then I could fill the prescription she gave me. I called yesterday and it seemed it was all fine so I filled the prescription last night. 

So this morning was my first morning ever on medication for ADD. I took it with breakfast and about half an hour later my normally very chattery mind felt kind of numb/blank which in turn felt a bit sleepy but not. A rather strange feeling I had only experienced a couple of times when a bit groggy and driving. 

So I went through my morning routine checking my email, reading online comics, checking facebook and reading a few blogs. I actually surprisingly got up and started organizing small bits of fabric and found a whole bunch of sewing stuff I was looking for. I organized beads into containers as well. These are things I have been meaning to do but haven't gotten around to. I had to find a piece of fabric soon for something but that thought started me actually doing a bunch of stuff which is very weird. And all of that stuff that I started got done. Though I did still lose track of a bit of time. 

I then went to the barn though this has been very relaxing doing barn work recently I didn't really notice much different about it. I had already developed a routine and order to how I was doing things. 

My mind has been still had thoughts but one thought at a time not a whole bunch at the same time. Again very strange. I also noticed this meant I was still forgetting a few things because things i wanted to remember usually played in my mind right away at the top over an over so I wouldnt forget. However I did remember other things I had been forgetting all week.

I feel awake but not overly awake. We will see if this affects my sleep tonight or not. I also know I wasn't as starving at lunch time as I have been lately and know that this medication can cause you to not be as hungry. 

In general the experience has so far been good and very different but not so much so that it feels like I am on something weird. It is rather subtle. We will see how this goes. I will post more later as I see how this actually starts to work and affect me. 

Welcome to "Holland"

Sorry it took so long for an update. I have been very busy taking care of a friend’ horses while she is away recently and have been going through writing the test for the Census 2011 supervisory position and going to the interview for that I did in the end withdraw my application, though it still sounded like a fun job.

I also have accepted a completely different job taking my friend’s dad’s place while he is away for surgery. It is a government position as a casual (they get me for 90 day) clerk. It will be early mornings I don’t know how I am going to manage getting up at 5am but hopefully I will adjust faster then I have to later times in the past. It will be an interesting job and will be just long enough to see if I like this type of thing.  

I have also been running around doing all sorts of other errands and going to other appointments as well.

Welcome to Holland

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

I got this sent to me about a week ago and it really hit home. I guess I never really realized until recently that I was in “Holland” and that I have been stuck here for a long time. I guess I have been stuck in my own fantasy world while in “Holland.”  This brings up a giant problem.

 All of the dreams I want at least at the moment as far as I can tell seem to be suck in “Italy.” I also seem to see “Italy” as representing normal or what is normal; something that I will never have and never be. This really really breaks my heart. There aren’t many days especially the rough days where all I want is to be normal. To have a normal brain that doesn’t wander that doesn’t swirl ideas that doesn’t not stop chatter away making it hard to sleep as it tries to keep track of the zillion ideas I have in my head at once never actually grasping a hold and holing on tight to any one of them.

While I know it isn’t 100% true I see many friends seemingly happy, having relatively easily reached goals I want or have reached but they can hold on them while I only get them for a little while before having to take steps backwards again. I sometimes feel like a huge failure. I can’t even manage to keep this beautiful house I love under control or organized inside and out.  

Chores are so difficult to get motivated to do and get done and jobs are hard to figure out because it is unmotivating and I just don’t know what I will like. I also worry about having enough time with the job and the other stuff I have to do at home to get any time to myself.  This is one of the few reasons why it takes me so long to read books.

Sometimes I just can’t stand my life with all its confusion and indecision and disorganization. Am I supposed to do things the way the world wants them? I don’t even really like society it is poorly run and has many bad ideas in general. Is it wrong to sometimes just want out of my own brain, my own mind?

 Anyway in general I am just feeling very very confused about many things at the moment. I think it is going to take a bit of time before I realize the good things about “Holland” and accept them and learn to hopefully like them. It is going to take even longer for me to let go of the dreams that are stuck in “Italy.”

This is all I have for now as I seem to have forgotten some of what I thought up as to what I was going to say earlier. I will hopefully try and post more frequently again.

PS in real life I have actually been to Italy (the real one) Venice to be exact it is very nice and has beautiful architecture and masks and glass. I highly recommend it as a place for anyone to see while on a vacation.

Meditation and Anxiety

Quite a few years ago at some kind of flea market type thing I bought a metal sign that I only just remembered now. Its a sign that while I bought it then because I loved the picture of my favourite type of car. I now realize the quote on the sign is all that much more appropriate for me. For me the Corvette really is a state of mind - my mind. Always running off so unknown conclusions usually the worst possible ones that can pop up cause me to have more and more anxiety. This makes my heart rate shoot up and sometimes makes me feel nauseous and all around panicky and icky feeling. 

My husband has been out of town on a short Men's ski retreat with approximately 40 other men from church. He is having a great time. I however hate being by myself, my mind gets all over the place and I get bored really easily. My mind jumps to all sorts of terrible conclusions about staying in a house all by myself even though I have done it several times and I know nothing crazy is really going to happen. I however have lately gotten so worked up I really haven't been sleeping well and have definitely had some anxiety attacks. It doesn't help that I am also anxious about this job hunting I am doing or having to do even though I am completely unmotivated to do it. Here is a link that explains that a bit better from a friend of mine.

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2010/01/quieting-the-lizard-brain.html

Anyway my mum suggested I try meditation again to try and calm myself down. Now with a brain that is always going and barely has any breaks this seems like a completely daunting task. I have been able to meditate before but only in a led meditation when someone else is speaking as it is much easier to focus on their voice then on my own breathing. Counting my breath in and out in long slow motions doesn't seem to slow my heart rate or calm me down when my mind is still panicking about the issue it is worried about. Running surprisingly calms my brain while I am actually moving and for a little bit afterward. However I think exercise is going to end up as a topic on its own at some point in the future. 

So here are a few suggested techniques I plan on attempting. 

First making time to meditate every day. This will be difficult as I don't tend to stick to schedules I make myself as well as I should. 

Second every time an idea comes into my head according to my yoga magazine I should just tell my brain to drop it and hope that works long enough for my brain to finally understand it can't do that anymore. 

Third. Prayer/mediation/worry beads. I have a set I made out of rough opal stones I got at a bead show that I think I will restring into something smaller that I can wear as a bracelet or even make something into a necklace that I can say a short prayer or mantra to too help my body get used to a calm and focused on something harmless feeling. I just have to figure out what that saying is going to be and will most likely have it in ancient Greek or something as I find listening to chant or saying chant (still learning it/wanting to learn it - I sleep to Gregorian chant at night, I love how it sounds) helps me keep calm and the same with other languages for some reason. 

It seems I will need to call my aunt and bum a beading needle of her and get some appropriate thread for the project. I have no clue if this is going to help or not but I really hope so. I already find writing in a journal/prayer journal does help to a degree, I just need something a little more to make it last longer. 

I will report in once I have tried some of these things on how it is going. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions on meditation or ways to reduce anxiety please let me know in the comments. 

My Current Plan

So this is my current plan on learning about my ADD and things I can do to help some of the difficult things that go along with it.

Magazine:
ADDitude magazine (http://www.additudemag.com/) - Thanks to my mum for a subscription for Christmas

Books:

"You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo

"Is it You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Had Attention Deficit Disorder" by Gina Pera

"The Gift of Adult ADD. How To Transform Your Challenges &  Build On Your Strengths" By Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D.

"The ADHD Effect on Marriage. Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps" By Melissa Orlov


Activities: 


Physical activity is known to help promote focus for up to a couple of hours after exercise is finished and can also promote the growth of new brain pathways. More on this to come as a single topic post in the future.


I am keeping track of these activities on dailymile.com so hopefully this means I will be much better at actually doing them.

Running (Barefoot/Minimalist running to be exact), trying this because I always went everywhere around my neighborhood as a kid in bare feet and read a neat book my brother gave me for Christmas called Born To Run - starting off slow to get muscles back into shape.

Swimming - every Monday I swim lengths with my aunt, my brother, my husband and my best friend.

Walking - usually with friends and family that don't want to run

Skipping indoors or on the deck  - when the weather is bad

Websites:
http://www.additudemag.com/
http://chadd.org/
http://www.add.org/
http://www.addiva.net/
http://newideas.net/adhd/different-types-adhd
http://totallyadd.com/
http://chaddcanada.org/
http://www.addvance.com/index.html
http://addmanagement.com/
http://addcoachinggroup.com/
http://www.adders.org/
http://www.addforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=9


Talking with friends who also have ADD has helped a lot. It is sometimes really nice to know that are other people out there that really know exactly what is going on inside your head and has to deal with the same or similar things that you do.

How I got to be on this Journey and writing this blog

After I graduated from my Animal Health Technology Program and wrote my board exam I felt really burned out already. The program was two years long and 5 courses a semesters (the most I had ever done at this point was 3 a semester so 5 was pushing it).

I took the summer off while waiting for my board exam results and did one very long day of work at a horse vet clinic I had volunteered at the summer before. They weren't hiring as they are a small clinic but needed extra help for the 4 surgeries a specialist was coming in from New York to do that day. It was long and tiring (an 18hr day) but it was with horses so it was fun.

I then still felt not sure if this was what I wanted to do and ended up missing out on another horse vet opportunity at a race track. There are not many horse clinics around here and most are not hiring.  I decided to upgrade and practice my small animal skills and volunteered at a small animal clinic where a teacher of mine from the vet assistant program worked as a tech. I volunteered there for about half a month before they hired me because they needed another tech.

This is where everything turned into a nightmare with lots of stress and anxiety. This job was pulling out all of the ADD things in my life that I guess I never either learned to cope with or had to cope with before or was triggering these things in different ways because the job wasn't really that structured. I also believe that since I never told anyone about the ADD that that didn't help either because some of those traits were pet peeves of my boss and some coworkers.

Stress and anxiety caused my learning to slow down and it just spiraled from there. I almost quit twice and was about to start looking for a new job when many changes started happening around the clinic with people coming and going and even with the building having some changes being done. In the middle of these changes and restructuring of the clinic I ended up getting laid off and am currently looking for a Job again. This time something less stressful preferably.

While I was going through all of this I thought the world was ending and everything was a complete disaster. It turns out that being laid off was the best thing that happened to me. I have been able to reflect back on things that happened at work and pick out bits and pieces of what went wrong for me with my ADD here and there and am trying to learn from it. I am also currently trying to learn more about ADD in general as well myself.

Things I know I did that I need to work on.

• Dealing with change and transition - in general and in high stress and emergency situations where I tend to just blank
• When people tell me I am making excuses and I don't believe I am (I believe I am giving a reason for why something happened) I must realize there was something possibly in there that might have or have not done that I could have fixed.
• Trying even harder then I already am to not interrupt people
• Lists and writing everything said to me down definitely helped a lot - must remember this
• Get better at dealing with people in general especially difficult people
• Try not to be overly emotionally sensitive to criticism (this has always been hard for me and often affects my whole day and mood)
• Try not to always talk so much all the time
• try not to always be so shy right off the bat
• believe in myself

I want to in someways help other people with ADD but first I decided the best way I could help them is to educate other people about it first. That being friends and family to start.

A bit of background information

Here is a bit about me and clues that led to my diagnoses with ADD and the journey that follows as far as I can remember it.

I was a very active baby, had colic and cows milk protein sensitivity for awhile. I had a few other allergies and sensitive skin. I did not sleep through the night until I was about 18 months old. My mum tells me I talked early in pretty close to full adult type sentences and words and have never stopped since. I was had childhood migrains but later outgrew it for awhile (I get them occasionally now as an adult though).

I was reading through my old elementary school report cards and comments from my teachers. I have reports from K-Gr6. The things they noticed were some of the following. 

• Trouble with focus and attention span. 
• Difficulty with  certain math concepts in the earlier grades, seemed to get better for awhile later.
• Needed more time and encouragement for consistent neatness in work
• Would hand in assignments late.
• Sloppy work when not totally focused on it.
• Often found the neatest tasks overwhelming and often slows down to a complete stop before attempting some assignments
• Time management issues on completing work even though I was capable of completing it
• French Grammar and punctuation
• trouble with expository writing in english
• trouble with reading in ‘meaning as a whole’ and ‘words in context’ or synonyms
• patience in research?
• Trouble working with some groups of people but worked well independently
• did not like to participate orally in group activities.
• needed to study more on certain occasions
• had some trouble with French vocab and conjugations
• work habits coincided with my mood at the time.

They also noticed these things:

• Art was my happiness and my eyes lit up for art class
• good at creative writing and music, computers, tech ed and all the other fun and creative electives
• Liked and did well in PE.
• Creative efforts in my work in general
• helpful, cheerful and always tried my best
• Speech making should be a strength in my future (hmm not sure I believe this, I hate speaking in front of people now)

My mum noted:

• Social issues with friends/classmates at various times 
• I tended to end up a bit of the outcast
• Yelled and had tantrums 
• Tried to isolate myself sometimes
• Would get upset when my desks were moved at school (hated change)
• Lots of tears about many things

I dont remember much from Gr7 and 8 or high school stuff but I know high school was a lot better though slow reading was a bit of an issue sometimes. 

In Grade 2 I think was when I started Kumon to help improve my math. I hated it but it definitely was worth it.

I was given an assessment at the grade 3 time period at UBC and have the report but dont remember much about it except getting a toy on the way home from a nearby toy store.

After I completed Grade 6 I was diagnosed with ADHD combined type. I only remember doing something on a really old laptop and dont remember anything else about this at all. I also have the report and have read it.

My parents did a lot of subtle things to help me out. I took a study skills course in summer one year. My parents structured my home life and let me run around after school and play as my brain had had enough at that point in time. I would then do homework which I remember sometimes took forever. No TV was allowed after dinner as it would wind my already tightly wound brain up and not allow me to sleep. School being school was already structured. I don't remember noticing any of these things my parents did but am glad they did them. 

So while I was often frustrated with my parents on many levels I have come to realize they did everything because they wanted what was best for me. 

I graduated in 2002 and went to University right away. I completed half of a degree in archaeology before the classes became impossible to get into. Too small a class size not offered often enough and too many people wanting to get into them. Very annoying. I did an office admin course and later a veterinary assistant course before completely a Diploma in Animal Health Technology in 2009 and writing my board exam that summer to be able to call myself an RAHT.

I love learning and will probably always be taking some kind of random course here and there. 

More on where I am now and how this journey I am on got started later. 

What is ADD or ADHD?

What is ADD or ADHD?

Attention Deficit Disorder is a neurobiological disorder of the central nervous system which is most often characterized by disturbances or difficulties in the areas of:

• attention
• hyperactivity
• impulsivity

It has had many different names over time and has been around for a long time.

Symptoms of ADD or ADHD

Inattention

This is often thought of as short attention span which is the easiest way to explain it. However it seems that this is also an issue of the components of the process of attention. Meaning they will have trouble picking what stimulus to focus on, trouble sustaining that focus over time, dividing their focus between other relevant stimuli and trouble shifting focus to another stimulus. (Basically their brains are always going to they have trouble picking which item whirring around in their mind to focus on and to pick which other ones might also be relevant, they have a hard time focusing on that for a long time because other more interesting things are distracting them and then sometimes they have the problem of shifting focus from one thing to another especially if that shift comes up suddently.) These may show up categorically as an example workaholics (they have trouble shifting focus to things other then work long after they should have changed it to other things, some people would call this over focused), single mindedness is another one that is similar, procrastination (cant selectively focus attention and doesn’t know how or where to get started, if whatever it is they are trying to focus on isn’t interesting to them then it is even harder for them to focus on it), and boredom.

Focus is easier when the person is very interested in what they are trying to focus on and believe in their success at it. It takes people with ADD a lot more effort and stimuli to focus and stay focus and motivated. It isn’t that they don’t try and it isn’t that they are unmotivated it just takes a lot more effort then people who don’t have it.

Examples of Inattentive behavior:

• Often fails to give close attention to details.
• Often makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
• Often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities.
• Often becomes easily distracted by irrelevant sights, sounds and extraneous stimuli.
• Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace.
• Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities.
• Often avoids tasks, such as schoolwork or homework, that require sustained mental effort.
• Often loses things necessary for tasks or activities, like school assignments, pencils, books, or tools, keys and so on.
• Often is forgetful in daily activities.
• Rarely follows instructions carefully and completely, if they don’t right it down when they hear it they wont remember it.
• Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
• Making careless errors
• Time management issues
• Difficulty completing tasks or projects in general
• Difficulty staying organized.

Hyperactivity

Is difficulty inhibiting behavior. It is not necessarily what people think about when they hear the word hyper of people bouncing off the walls though it can and does occaisionally happent that way. Most of the time people with Hyperactivity in ADD talk way to much and rather fast.  These people are in constant motion. They may engage in excessive fiddling, fidgeting, leg swinging, and squirming or constantly readjusting themselves in their chair. These people are very active in general and may take on lots of hobbies and exercise or even second jobs to keep them busy. The hyperactivity depending on how it is presented can actually sometimes help get more things accomplished but this isn’t always the case.

Impulsivity

Is the difficulty controlling impulses. These people do not stop and think before they act or speak. They say and do whatever comes into their mind without thinking about the consequences. They might say something inappropriate and regret it later, blurt out a response to question before a person is done speaking to them or interrupt a conversation, or have difficulty waiting for their turn in line or in a game. They may be careless with assignments or with other things. This may also lead to some people impulse shopping. It takes a lot of effort to keep these impulses in check.

There are generally three types of ADD or ADHD:

Combined Type (hyperactive, impulsive, inattentive)

Inattentive Type

Hyperactive, Impulsive Type

* This information came from my own knowledge as well as from the book “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!” By Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. As well as some things from this website http://www.add-adhd-help-center.com/symptoms_add_adhd.htm

About Me

I am almost 27, a petite female, and was diagnosed with ADD combined type mild to moderate at age 12. Contrary to what people may believe this is not a condition that people outgrow. If they do outgrow it, it was likely a misdiagnosis in the first place. I currently up until this point have never been on medication for the ADD.

I have had lots of help from my parents in providing structure to my life at home and helped me keep on track with school and home work and did courses to learn to study effectively. My brother has also been a big help as he seems to understand me better then I do myself sometimes and he often surprises me with his wisdom and bringing be back into perspective.

My brain doesn’t know how to be quiet there are always constant chatter or thoughts that are going in my head and it rarely ever shuts up, it is a lot like background noise that is always there. This chatter can definitely cause me problems getting to sleep at night. I have a terrible short term memory for remembering where I put things or things that people said or things I did just moments ago unless I write things down. Hence I am a compulsive note taker and love sticky notes. I however have an amazing long term memory. I can hyperfocus on certain things I am super interested in where no one can distract me from that thing however I find I cant really control it. It just happens or it doesn’t. I often interrupt people or feel like I want to I try very hard to control this. I am a packrat and my house is usually a mess and the pain problem is papers. I can find housework extremely difficult at times because it is just so boring.

I am in general a pretty bouncy person but can get pretty shy or feel a bit awkward in certain situations and easily hurt or discouraged, I can be quite emotionally sensitive. I believe I also suffer from anxiety and possibly minor depression at some points. I am very opinionated and often end up in many debates most of which I do not ever seem to win because I am not really that good at debating. I am a very creative person. I love to draw, take pictures, work with clay and love to do bookbinding making hand made blank books. I have started journaling in my books again in the last couple of years. I love animals especially my four cats and love horses as well, though I haven’t ridden for awhile I rode and jumped horses for approximately 14 years before being the position I am currently of not having a horse to ride. I hope this wont last forever. I love ancient cultures and places and things and different languages and texts. I love to mess around in my garden growing herbs and miniature roses and hope to try some actual food plants this coming year. I also like to sew though I am still learning. I love learning new things in general. I am trying to get back into running, this time trying barefoot/minimalist running, as exercise is good for focus. I love things that are shiny or sparkly; some family members call me a magpie because of it. I am a dreamer and can sometimes move from passion to passion.

I have been married to the sweetest most wonderful, fun, encouraging and tolerant man for the last 6 years. Without him I am sure I would be in much worse of a state. He is willing to let me learn more about myself and to learn with me.

I am currently looking for work and am hoping something much less stressful that allows me to use my skills and creativity to their full potential without being overly bored and distracted. I am looking for something that will make me happy and not stressed out all the time like my last job. The question is what do I want to do job wise that I will be good at. This is a question I have never in my life had an answer to. I really honestly do not know what I would like to do. The work world is seemingly what threw my coping skills with ADD that I previously had out the window. It seems a job with lack of structure plus high anxiety plus lack of enforced structure at home and no school structure equals I have no clue how to cope with all my ADD issues and probably other issues as well that are arising. I am taking this time while looking for work to learn more things about my ADD and hope to cope with it. I am hoping this will help people understand a little bit what it is like to be me.

I will be updating with how my quest goes and some background information and other interesting bits and pieces I find along the way.